Vagabond Vacation
by Dracon Asahara
Summary: When Tyki and Allen get in trouble over their gambling habit they spontaneously decide to take a long overdue vacation. Being who they are that naturally includes dressing like hobos, running from the Order and meeting noble brats with demon butlers.
1. Foot in Mouth

When Tyki and Allen get in trouble over their gambling habit they spontaneously decide to take a long overdue vacation. Being who they are that naturally includes dressing like hobos, running from the Order and meeting noble brats with demon butlers.

Crossover with Kuroshitsuji.

Warning: This story is not to be taken too seriously. Not Beta-ed yet. Cussing and bad words included.

I own nothing. Otherwise Tyki and Soma would get way more screentime. See the trend there? -_-

* * *

**The Way too Long Beginning, or Foot in Mouth Disease**

Now, Allen was – and everyone in the Black Order could attest to that- a very kind, polite and honest young man. Therefore he always tried his very best to live his life in as respectable a way as possible under his given circumstances. He tried not to lie, cheat, steal, kill or otherwise taint his life-story with unsightly actions.

Again, he tried his best given his circumstances.

Only that those circumstances included growing up on the streets, joining a traveling circus, being adopted by a slightly mental clown, spending three years under the care of Marian Cross and being a child soldier participating in a holy war.

And, for the record, Allen mostly blamed those three years with Cross.

Still, he had tried.

But to get back to the point, or any point really, as hard as Allen tried he just didn't quite manage to keep himself from telling an occasional lie. Or from cheating. Or gambling. Especially in combination of those three. To make it short, Allen couldn't help but have a few...vices of his own.

Which was why he found himself in his current predicament. Backed against a wall that is. With the very real possibility of getting kicked by Lenalee if he didn't come up with a good explanation soon. And getting kicked by Lenalee was something that absolutely every sane person would try their damnest to avoid. Allen believed himself to be very sane.

"Allen Walker" and there she went with his full name. A bad sign. "Explain yourself."

Right. The explanation. Now what?

To clarify the situation a little, it had all started three months ago, shortly after their battle on Noahs Ark. He had been on one of his usual run of the mill solo missions that only included finishing off some level one Akumas. Since he had managed to fulfil his objective a bit quicker than expected, he decided to spend the rest of his day going on a little sightseeing tour. Accidentally he had landed in a casino. Even more accidentally he had decided to stay there for a bit.

Tyki Mikk had a similar accident.

Allen had just started to play a game of Black Jack with a few unsuspecting victims when he noticed a rather familiar looking hobo in the masses. Being the responsible exorcist he is Allen naturally abandoned his game at once to confront the disguised Noah.

Never let it be said Allen doesn't take his job seriously.

But after a long, serious and antagonistic conversation between them, both of them came to the conclusion it would be highly unwise to start a fight in the middle of the casino.

"There would probably be civilian casualties" Allen had reasoned.

"Today there are a lot of rich noblemen here" Tyki added.

"And we are not supposed to engage a Noah on our own."

"None of them are particularly good at card games."

"And the bill for the property damage would be rather bad as well. Looks like an expensive establishment."

"One of the only ones of its kind where they don't ask for identification."

Eventually, they further concluded, the best way form them to proceed was to team up in order to keep better watch over each other. And if by teaming up they just so happened to cheat a dozen nobles out of an outrageous amount of money...well, job hazards. After all it wasn't like they were having fun robbing poor, arrogant aristocrats off their hard earned money. And they most certainly didn't enjoy each others company. Or make fun of exorcists and Noahs alike. Or come to the conclusion that if it wasn't for this godda- ehm..war, they could have made great friends. (Or fearsome accomplishes depending on who you asked)

So there really shouldn't have been a reason for them to meet up at three further casinos and proceed in a fashion eerily similar to their first night.

"It was fate" Tyki would say.

Allen however decided to practice some long overdue honesty and called it a "stupid, reckless and altogether treasonous idiocy on their part". Sadly that still didn't stop him from continuing with said idiocy.

After the first month of weekly meetings in random casinos things escalated a little further. At this point neither Tyki nor Allen could tell what the hell either of them had been thinking at the time but if Allen were to guess he would say that they probably hadn't had much thinking going on at all. Tyki would be forced to agree.

Still, for the last month or so, twice a week, they would meet up in pub nearby to the Order's headquarters and the two of them would spend the evening playing poker and talking about random things.

If two months prior someone had told Allen he would willingly spend his evenings in the company of a Noah he would have thought they were mad. As things were however, he concluded, it was probably him that needed some mental help. Still, he could admit – at least to himself- that he rather enjoyed the Portuguese's company and judging by how Tyki never failed to turn up he guessed the sentiment was mutual. Not only did they both excel at poker (Allen more so than Tyki), they also had a lot in common in other areas – from their life on the streets to their sense of humour to their bipolarity problems and an unspoken agreement not to talk about anything including the war. In short, they simply got along far better than sworn enemies ever should.

But all sense of camaraderie aside, their meetings were still a very harebrained idea.

So of course, not only two months after their somewhat dysfunctional friendship started they were being followed to their meetings by a 'worried' party. Their luck being what it was that meant each of them. On the same day. And in Allen's case this worried party had turned out to be Lenalee.

A Lenalee that was currently glaring daggers at him, waiting for him to explain just why the hell he secretly met up with one of their enemies.

"_Explain_" she repeated and this time it was a hiss.

It was really weird seeing the usually well tempered girl looking like she was about to kill someone and this someone being Allen out of all people. What made the situation even more absurd was only the fact that next to him Tyki was in exactly the same predicament.

"Oh yes, please Tyki dearest _explain_." The man standing next to Lenalee said with an exceedingly creepy smile. Allen couldn't recall meeting that specific Noah before (and he was pretty sure he would have remembered that _smile_) but from what he could tell his name was Sheril and he was apparently Tyki's older brother. Who would have guessed?

"It's just poker" Tyki tried in a rather pathetic attempt. "And it's just twice a week."

Allen wanted to hit him.

"Poker?" Lenalee threw Allen an incredulous look. Apparently Lavy had kept what had happened on the train to himself. Smart boy.

"Twice a week?" Sheril repeated in a sugary tone.

"Well..." Tyki threw Allen a pleading look. Dealing with his brother wasn't exactly his strong point.

'_Only one way to go then_' the white haired boy concluded. '_I have to do what I do best._'

That meant bullshitting his way out of this using whatever boyish charm he had. He then proceeded to turn his back towards the Noah of pleasure, clearly showing what he thought of saving _his_ ass as well. Tyki could take care of his own shit. Survival of the fittest. He could have sworn he heard Tyki sniff.

"Lenalee...I'm sorry." he started, taking great care to look as sincere and vulnerable as possible. Being honestly scared shitless right now certainly helped on that part. "I know it sounds insane but I just needed some time away from the order and everyone in it. I guess it was the same for Tyki and things just...happened."

Lenalee didn't look amused.

"I know I should have done this. Playing poker with a Noah is...completely stupid but..."

"Stupid? Stupid?! If the order found out do you know what they would do to you?!"

Right, bad images.

"This could count as treason, Allen!"

"Which is why...pretty please don't tell them?"

Cue glare. "And why shouldn't I, Allen? One good reason. Give me one."

Inwardly Allen grinned. Outwardly his eyes started to water. He could do this. After his time with the red devil he had this down to an art. He was a master at this. And so he plunged into a sob story about his childhood, the need to connect to someone who knows the ways of street-life, and how he could pretend the whole war was just some nightmare when he was with Tyki. Or something.

Tyki was fairing badly.

After Allen's completely expected but still kinda hurtful betrayal of their non-existent trust to keep each other alive...well, Tyki had actually secretly hoped the brat would help him anyway. Right. As if the boy hadn't already proven himself to not be nearly as cute as he appeared to be. He really hoped the chinese chick will kick him where it hurts.

But he had bigger problems than worrying about what he had already mentally dubbed 'the 14s second betrayal'. He was bad with dealing with Sheril. Brother or not, the guy was creepy.

"Sheril this is..."

"This is you fraternizing with the enemy." Sheril summed up the whole thing pretty well.

"Well...yes." Tyki didn't really know how he could ever get himself out of this one. He heard the exorcists arguing behind him but tried to pay it no heed. If Allen wouldn't help him he would just ignore him for now. Or better yet. Blame him.

"It's the boys fault!"

Sheril smile sweetened. Ugh.

"How so Tyki dearest? Did he force you to meet with him? Did the scary exorcist threaten you into playing poker with him? What were you thinking?! Why do you meet up with an exorcist of all people?"

"Well because..." and damn it, Tyki was pretty sure he was normally more articulate than this. But his brother was _creepy_. With a capital C.

"Because?"

"Because..." well, because why really? Tyki wasn't quite sure himself. He figured the boy was just a lot of fun to be around. When he didn't decide to turn his back on his poker companion that is.

At this Tyki glanced back at Allen, hoping to see the boy writhing in pain or at least getting verbally mauled by the female exorcist. No such luck though, the girl was only hugging him while whispering encouragements and...wait. What?

What. The. Fuck?

Shit, maybe he should have listened to what the boy was saying after all. How the hell did Walker manage that?

"_Tyki~pon._"

Oh right, problem at hand. His brother.

"...He's interesting?" Tyki tried the truth. Stupid Tyki.

"He's a human, No, worse - he's an _exorcist_."

"Uh...he's not!" Tyki argued with the first thing that came to mind "That's the 14th!"

Sheril stilled for a moment, eyes flickering over to the white haired exorcist for a moment before looking back at Tyki, smiling sweetly "The 14th? "Sheril chirped (yes, chirped) "The _traitor_ you mean? I fear the earl will hear of this little brother. And by then you better come up with a better explanation than 'he's interesting'."

Oh god no. Sheril is trying to get him killed.

"Don't tell the others! Otherwise I'll tell them that...that..." ok, he was restoring to blackmail. Only problem was he didn't really have anything to blackmail his brother with. And Sheril knew this.

"Tell them what?"

Tyki felt panic clawing at his throat. He threw another glance back at Allen. The girl was now staring at him with teary eyes, looking at him like on would look at a kicked puppy. The Noah made a mental note to find out just what exactly it was that the brat always seemed to do to girls. First Road and now...Road!

Inwardly Tyki grinned. Outwardly...too.

"Well Sheril if you tell the earl that I kind of spend my time befriending an exorcist then I will tell him that your dear little Road has a crush on this very exorcist."

_'That should do it.'_ Tyki thought smugly as he saw his brother freeze on the spot. Then his brain started working again.

_'Well, shit.'_

He had just told Sheril that his cute little daughter had a crush. On an exorcist. Allen was going to die. What had he done? Then again, the brat had abandoned him to his brother and Tyki never denied being a little sadistic so...

"Did I mention that she kissed him?"

Sheril eyes zeroed in on the white haired boy, who (and Tyki took great pleasure in this) even with his back turned to them couldn't suppress a shiver at the murder intent that suddenly filled the room. Oh, Noah of Desire had heard of this before. His beautiful girl telling him about how she was in love with a boy! He had felt his heart break on that day. And now it turned out said boy was not only a human but an exorcist at that! Admittedly, according to the newest developments this specific exorcist was also a Noah (however the hell that happened) but to Sheril that mattered little right now.

"So you are _that_ _Allen Walker,_ huh?" the older Noah's voice rang out coldly. "The bastard exorcist that tainted my cute, little Road?"

Sheril's had now pushed past Tyki and grabbed Allen's shoulder to slowly turn the boy around to them. Lenalee looked surprised. Tyki grinned in anticipation. Serves him right.

Sheril mentally prepared himself to do many unspeakably bad things to the brat in front of him. Noah or not, he would make sure that no ugly, disgusting male would ever again get close to his little princess.

Allen faced Sheril, eyes still slightly moist from his previous sob-story, and with the instinctual terror that every boy felt when being faced with a girl's angry father rooting him in place, all he could do was to stare up at the other trembling.

Sheril stared back.

And stared.

And stared some more.

Then he hugged Allen.

Tyki's mind refused to believe this newest development.

Lenalee just looked even more confused.

"Nobody ever told me that you looked so _cute_!"

**NO!**

Oh no. Tyki _absolutely_ refused to believe this. Whatever voodoo Allen had pulled on the exorcist girl was apparently now also affecting Sheril! Even worse, his brother's stupid as hell obsession with all things cute had kicked in again and that had never ended well for Tyki in the past (problems had first surfaced when Sheril had introduced him to his new, _cute_ niece, _Road_). With the way his brother was smothering the white haired brat now it was hard to believe that he was about to kill him just seconds ago. No, Tyki refused this outcome with all of his being.

"Tyki! Why didn't you tell me that he's the most adorable little thing? Besides my Road that is!"

Adorable? Little? Well, the second one was kinda true but if there was one thing Tyki knew then it was that Allen Walker was not adorable by any means. That guy had learned under Cross Marian himself and the effect were obvious or so Tyki would like to believe.

"He is not! Don't let yourself be fooled!" Tyki shouted in alarm.

"But look at this hair! It's so fluffy and white! And those silver eyes and porcelain skin!" Sheril gushed.

"No Sheril! He's the devil. The devil! Evil incarnate!"

"Don't be silly, nothing this cute could be evil, little brother."

Said little brother felt like crying at this point. That was the same answer he always got whenever he complaint about Road's evil tendencies going to far. Only one thing left to try. Remind Sheril about the other's nefarious ways with his beloved daughter.

"Sheril! Remember, he's the guy Road has a crush on! They **kissed**." the younger Noah shouted in a mix of desperation and hope of getting his brother back on track. The homicide track that is.

This, finally, seemed to work.

Allen, who by this time had managed to partially wrestle himself free from Sheril death grip stilled at the others words. His eyes narrowing slightly he slowly turned his head in Tyki's direction, seizing him up.

Sheril had stilled too and was now looking down at the boy-exorcist with a slight frown. "Right" he sounded contemplative "there was _that_." Then his eyes took on a slightly manic gleam again "I definitely can't have anyone seducing my poor, innocent Road." With this he took a step back, cocked his head to the side and silently stared at Allen in this utterly creepy way that seemed to come naturally to him. As if thinking up the most gruesome way to end the other's life. Which was probably _exactly_ what he was doing.

At this point Tyki felt a small spark of something. A something that could, in a good and fair world, have grown into a feeling of victory. Too bad that the world was neither good nor fair. Not to Tyki at least. Therefore Tyki was to be denied the rare feeling of winning for two reasons. The first being the way the boy's grey eyes were still fixed on him. Apparently he was smart enough to see Tyki's attempt to kill him via the wrath of his older brother as...exactly that. An attempt at murder. And the grey orb's promise of retribution made Tyki shiver inwardly.

The second and most essential reason was Sheril's next course of action.

Now Tyki had been wholly prepared to watch his brother go on a psychotic rampage. He had been prepared to see his brother do _things. _Horrible, forbidden, unspeakable sort of things. He had even been prepared to help him with those things.

He had not been prepared to see his brother's face light up as if he had just had an epiphany only to then loudly proclaim that he had found the perfect solution to this little problem.

"I'll adopt you!"

There was silence.

.

.

.

"No." Tyki finally said.

"No way." Allen agreed.

"Is he serious?" Lenalee dared to ask.

Nobody knew how to answer that one.

"What? Why not?" Sheril had the guts to looked aghast at the quick refusal "It's perfect! Just think about it Tyki. Road and him would be brother and sister. She would be so happy to have a new older brother to play with and I wouldn't have to worry about her chastity anymore!"

"Are you stupid?" Allen asked in disbelieve.

"He is." Tyki answered monotonously. "I've now officially given up on him."

"Tyki dear that is no way to talk about your older brother!"

"I'm no longer related to you."

"What are you saying? Of course you are, stop being silly."

"No. I refuse this. I'm cutting all ties."

"You can't just 'stop' being related to me!"

"He's got a point. If he's your brother your problem is genetic."

"You shut up. You are technically a Noah too so - "

"Not. Going. There."

"But th-"

"**Shut up all of you!" **

Lenalee had enough. For the last weeks she had worried herself silly over Allen and his mysterious disappearances in the evenings. It had been obvious that something was up. But because she was a good friend and only wanted the best for the boy she had decided to give him time and not pressure him about it, hoping he would eventually tell her on his own. But he hadn't. And really, a girls patience only lasts so long, so after weeks of waiting for him to come to her. So naturally, being the good worrying friend she was, she decided to do the only logical thing – stalk Allen in order to find out wherever he went to.

And what did she find? This. Her friend seeing a Noah and this insanity which she had watched unfold ever since she arrived at the little bar.

However, all things aside, there was something else that had been on her mind for quite some time now. Something that had nothing to do with her friend sneaking out in order to secretly meet up with one of their enemies.

No, her problem lay elsewhere.

"All of you seem to miss the problem here."

Because Lenalee was one of those girls that liked to believe true gentlemen existed. She liked to think that not all men were (as her brother liked to say) rotten to the core. And like many others she had found living proof of such a pure, genuinely good boy in the form of Allen Walker who looked liked and angel and behaved even better than one. Lenalee liked her believes. And so anything that went against them was either destroyed, ignored or in the rare case that neither worked, questioned.

Like right now. Because she had her priorities straight, damn it.

"Allen..._you play poker_?"

Allen blinked. "Uh...yes?" That was her issue?

"In this bar?" Lenalee inquired further.

"Yes?" No need to mention the casinos.

"With Tyki?"

"...yes?"the boy had absolutely no idea where she was going with this. Until Lenalee glared. At Tyki that is.

...O...K?

"You!" she rounded in on the Noah of Pleasure "How dare you infect Allen with your vile gambling habit! "

"Me?"

"Yes you! Allen would never to this out of his own accord!" Denial was something beautiful. "It's your doing."

Tyki for his part was not amused. At all. First Allen then Sheril and now the exorcist girl. Why was everyone out to get him? Why wasn't Allen getting blamed for this too?

"I didn't infect him with anything 'bad'" he responded rather sourly.

"You got him into gambling!" Lenalee exclaimed. "If that isn't a bad habit I don't now what is."

"Tyki-pon" Sheril butted in unhelpfully "She's right and the he boy is minor. We talked this before, hm? Remember the rules about smoking and gambling?"

"Wha- Sheril! Not you too!" there, they were doing it again. Rounding up on him like _he_ was the problem here "And this has nothing to do with our _conversation_ about my so called _problems_. "

"Oh, so you are admitting to having a problem?" Lenalee asked annoyed "And you think passing them on to underage, innocent boys is fun, huh?"

"No. And I didn't pass on anything" Tyki snapped. Just why in the world did everyone believe the white haired kid was some goody two-shoes? The brat had a personality disorder to rival his own! "The boy had gambling problems long before he met me! Fuck, if anyone has a problem here it's him!"

"Tyki you are an adult." Sheril admonished him "Don't put the blame on others. Especially not children."

"He's fifteen! And besides what's wrong with you? Why are you taking the exorcist's side?" Seriously, where had all the brotherly love and We-Noahs-stand-together-always sort of talk gone to?

"I'm on the side of the innocent." Sheril said nonchalantly.

"Since when?" this was ridiculous. "And I'm telling you he's not innocent! He's probably been gambling for ages with the way he cheats even me out of my clothes!"

"...why were you talking off your clothes?" Sheril asked slowly as if starting to see his little brother in a whole new light. Lenalee's eyes had also narrowed a little bit more and she was now fixing him with a stare that could only be described as 'scathing'.

Tyki – wisely- decided that whatever he said at this point would only make things worse. So he did the only thing he could, he turned to Allen for support. "You, boy, say something too."

Allen, who until now had watched whole exchange with a bemused smile (and Tyki had seen and he would remember) quickly took on a solemn facade. Maybe it was really time to help Tyki out a little because as fun as it had been to watch the man talk himself into his own grave, it was now becoming a little sad. And boring. And he was getting hungry. But on the other hand...nah. He still hadn't forgiven him for his little stunt with Road and the kiss. Allen wasn't a forgiving person.

"It was strip poker." he said helpfully.

Sheril and Lenalee stared at him. Then at Tyki. "You...you pe-!"

"Allen has a black book!"

Now, Tyki was a honorable person and as such held a deep respect for all the unwritten rules that existed between guys. Rules that defined friendship between men, rules that told them what to do, when to do it and with whom. Rules that, one day, would be named the 'Bro Code' and written down in a legendary book by a man only known under the initials B.S. But all of this aside, the point was that Tyki respected those rules. So of course he was aware that telling someone - and a girl of all things- about your poker companion's black book was an absolute no go. Sacrilegious, really.

But enough was enough.

After all he was pretty sure there also had to be a rule that forbid guys from making their poker companions out to be paedophiles.

"A what?" Lenalee asked puzzled. And Tyki dived. Headfirst at Allen that is.

The shuffle was short and quickly decided by Tyki's ability to phase through anything he wanted to.(Except innocence of course, which Allen promptly used to clock him in the head) After a few seconds of struggling on both sides, the Noah emerged victoriously, holding a small leather bound book in his hands which he then tossed to the female exorcist.

"Don't-" Allen started but it was already to late.

Lenalee had opened the book. And she was reading.

Now to clarify things, a man's black book normally contained names, number or addresses of girls of the past and possible future. Some also contained club, dealer or pub names. It all depended on the individual. But all black books had one thing in common. They should never bee seen by a woman.

Allen watched in horror as Lenalee went through pages that he knew to contain a full accounting of Cross's debts, the names of various casinos and shady night clubs, a list of people that lend out money and...

"...Marina Marouge? 11 Durnghamstreet, London?" Lenalee read out loud "Seraphina Star, the snakepit? Miss Carouge, L'aire de jeux, Paris? Emilia..."

"Uh those are just..."Allen began nervously "Old contacts?" Cross's old contacts that is. Who he still owned money.

Lenalee slowly looked up at Allen, her eyes blank. "Lavi was right." She murmured. "He was right..."

Lavi?

"He warned me. He said you are just like any other guy whenever I told him to stop hitting on me and behave more proper, like you. I beat him up for it."

Oh, so the rabbit had talked after all. Not smart, not smart at all.

"I believed in you." she sounded somewhat broken now, Allen mused, then her eyes took on a crazed glint "Allen. Who are those women?"

"Don't misunderstand!" Allen exclaimed "They have nothing to do with me! They are just prostitutes that I still own money!"

….

….

….

Well, fuck. He was turning into Tyki.

Tyki unsurprsingly still wasn't quite out of the game yet either.

"Tyki, what did you do to the boy?" his brother asked him in a dangerously low voice.

"Prostitutes, Allen?"

"What did you do to ruin such a cute person?"

"Who you still own money, Allen?"

"And what was that about strip poker, Tyki~pon?"

Now they were advancing. Slowly but steadily, backing Allen and Tyki into a corner.

"Uh..."Tyki started, sweat running down his face.

"Eh..." Allen intelligently added as his back hit the wall.

"I think the Order need to know about this after all. I seem to have misjudged you."

"Tyki~pon I think it's time we have a little talk with the Earl. About what is appropriate to do and where even we have to draw the line."

Tyki also hit the wall and automatically glanced down at Allen. Allen looked back up and their eyes met. In that moment something magical happened. Whether it was innocence, Noah powers or a telekinetic poker connection, both Allen and Tyki could have sworn they had the exactly same thought that moment, the same idea of how to get out of this alive.

Tyki grabbed the other's arm. "Sorry, Sheril but I think we need some time for things to cool down."

"Same to you Lenalee. After all we wouldn't want anything bad to happen due to a simple misunderstanding." They leaned against the wall.

"Maybe a week away from each other will help to get things into perspective" Sheril's eyes widened.

"Or a month. Tell the Order I'm on holiday." Lenalee was first to react. She lunged for Allen's uniform but her hand just passed trough uselessly.

"And greetings to the family." Tyki grinned.

And with that they fell back trough the wall.

* * *

Ok, lotsa nonsense but whatever. Next chapter Kuroshitsuji entry! Again, this is crack so don't take it seriously. I just want to troll some characters and it helps me get back into writing.^^

Pedo! Tyki clichee, fulfilled! And I seriously think Allen has a black book. Remember the scene on the ark when he pulled out Cross's debts? He's totally the black book type.

And I dunno, but are Tyki and Allen even now or not?

Next chapter: A Hobo, A Clown and an Undertaker (walk into a bar)

DA


	2. Prison-Hopping for Beginners

Hello and_ thank you everyone_ (Ennael, Guest, TOOLAZYTOLOCKIN, PersonWithCrazyIdeas, Simo-chan, PoisionousDream, Sworddeath, The 15th Noah, Carefree89, SherryAi, Zepharia, bookpoisioning) for the reviews!

**Answers to questions:**

_**The 15**__**th**__** Noah**_: Sorry, but this will not be "pokerpair". I see them more like friends in this fic. But naturally there will be hints of it. Lots. Because, lets face it, it's practically canon and Tyki is the hottest thing ever to walk the earth.

I know I said this chapter would be "A Hobo, A Clown and An Undertaker Walk into a Bar" but it turns out that will be the next chapter. This one just happened, sorry! On another note, I finally got holidays so the next chapter will be coming soon!

* * *

**Prison-hopping for Beginners **

It had been a week.

One week since Tyki had decided to go on an impromptu vacation with Allen Walker.

And if anyone were to ask Tyki he would tell them that this must have been one of the longest weeks of his life. Personally he was actually pretty sure that it had been longer than a mere week since the start of their little trip. It certainly felt more like two or maybe three weeks had already passed. So he would compromise and say two and a half. Yes, in retrospect, Tyki Mikk was pretty sure it had been two and a half weeks since all of this started. Everything else would have been ridiculous and absolutely surrealistic after all.

Naturally he felt the need to inform his travel companion of this.

"I'm pretty sure it hasn't been a week" he said, shifting one of his legs into a more comfortable position so it wouldn't fall asleep.

"What do you mean?" Allen asked looking back at him from the other side of the room, seemingly far more comfortable with the situation than Tyki was.

"There is no way we only started this trip one week ago." Tyki clarified while trying to ignore the uncomfortable feeling in his backside. One of those stupid bricks was sticking out of the wall and poking him in the back. "No way." he added for emphasis.

"We didn't" Allen concluded after adding the days up in his head.

"Good" Tyki was happy to find the exorcists agreeing with him. "I knew it couldn't have been a week."

"Yes, technically it has been five days" Allen informed him goodnaturedly.

"No." Tyki argued "That makes no sense."

The white haired boy just threw him a confused look. "I don't know what you are talking about but I'm certain this is our fifth day."

"This is already the seventh time." Tyki decided to elaborate "Nobody -and this is coming from a Noah so I would know- absolutely nobody manages to get thrown into jail seven times in only five days. That's not how it works. It's against all statistics. Laws of nature. Word of God."

"Oh" Allen's eyes brightened up in understanding as he gave the little cell they were currently in a once over. The cell itself was dark and smelly with only a very small window near the ceiling letting any light or fresh air in and despite the fact that said window was too small for even a child to fit through it was clad in iron bars. The same iron bars made up the whole front wall of the room, allowing them to look into a short corridor with three more cells of the same kind, none of them occupied. Allen was currently leaning against one of the walls, whereas Tyki had literary been shackled to them, forced into an uncomfortable sitting position on the dirty ground.

"Sorry, I forgot that you aren't used to this." The teen glanced at the bars separating them from the corridor before letting his eyes wander towards the heavy door at its end. "If you want we can break out now, I think the guards are finally having their break and no one is watching."

"That would be much appreciated."

The white haired boy just flashed him a smile before pulling off his left glove and activating its innocence in a flash of light. With his hand now in its clawed form he quickly inserted one of his fingers into the lock on Tyki's chains, using it as a lock-picking tool rather than a holy weapon. It only took him a couple of seconds of poking around before a loud click signalised his success and the chains came off.

Finally free, Tyki massaged his wrists that now sported bruises where the shackles had previously been. With a frown he watched as Allen proceeded in a similar manner in order to make short work of the cell-door's lock as well. "You are pretty good at that" the Noah commented offhandedly as the door swung open and the two of them stepped into the corridor.

"Years of practice" Allen supplied as he turned his hand back into its dormant form. "And Crown Clown makes for a really good makeshift key so I don't even have to carry tools with me anymore."

"Sure seems wrong though, an exorcist using his innocence like that" Tyki commented as he put one of his ears against the corridor door, listening to what was going on behind it. "Isn't misusing it considered sacrilegious or something?"

Allen snorted. "That's rich coming from you. I know for a fact that you use your 'choose' ability whenever you feel like changing your cards in poker."

"Not always" Tyki argued "And that's different since it's a Noah power. Noah's don't like humans, so using our powers to cheat humans out of their money is perfectly acceptable."

"Well, I personally think that using my innocence to free myself from a completely unfair and unjustified imprisonment is a good thing so there should be no problem with that either."

Tyki threw him a highly sceptical look "Really? I vaguely remember them saying something about a search warrant for you. One that has been going on for two years. There was also something about gambling, a bar fight, illegal businesses and how you happen to own the local mafia a shitload of money."

"Technicalities." Allen waved them away. "It was all Cross's fault anyway."

"If you say so." Tyki didn't sound convinced but decided to drop the matter for now. "Anyway, I'm pretty sure the guards are just behind this door so if we leave through it they will be chasing our tails at once."

"Then it's a good thing we are fast" Allen said with a smile.

"Right. It would be even better if we didn't have to run at all though."

Allen shrugged "Not much of a choice there if we don't want them to capture us again."

"Except if we keep them from running after us in the first place by, for example, taking a different route out" Tyki hinted.

Allen frowned and looked at the little windows in each cell. "But this is the only door out and I'm pretty sure we don't fit through those windows."

"Would be great if there was another door in here don't you think?" Tyki tried harder.

"Yes, but there isn't so there really is no point in discussing this" Allen steadfastly ignored all hints thrown his way.

"Too bad none of us can make one appear out of nowhere" the Noah gave up any attempts at subtlety "Like, a magical white door that connects to a white city and from where it can lead to anywhere."

Allen just gave him a flat look.

"I'm not going to use the ark, Tyki."

"And why not?"

"For the same reason you aren't using your Noah powers right now. To avoid detection."

Which could have been a logical argument. After all Tyki knew first-hand that the Earl could detect the other Noahs whenever they used their powers and since Tyki was currently trying to hide from his loving family using his powers without a proper reason was out of question. And the same could be said about Allen's Ark ability since by now the Earl was probably aware that they had run off together and was therefore looking for both of them.

So yes, not using the ark would make perfect sense.

There was only one problem with Allen's reasoning.

"We are in Mexico. You already used the ark countless of times in the last few days. I'm sure the Earl already knows of our location by now."

"Oh, I know that" Allen responded, not looking all that impressed "Which reminds me that you decided to tell me of his detection ability only after we nearly got caught by those Akumas in Poland."

"Well, sorry for not remembering straight away. It's not exactly everyday that I'm being hunted by my own boss" Tyki drawled "And at least I stopped using my powers after that. You on the other hand merrily arked us to at least four further countries."

"Which brings us back on topic" the white haired boy said crisply "Since we haven't been attacked since you stopped using your powers I assume that the Earl can't feel me using the ark. It might be because I'm not a full Noah or because I'm technically using the Ark's ability and not my own. But no matter why, by now I'm pretty sure we can safely use the ark for transportation."

Tyki was a little surprised by the other's conclusion. He hadn't really thought about the Akuma's attack patterns before. But it was true that while they frequently had run ins with demons at the beginning of their trip the last two days had been spent in relative piece.

"Wait, so if you are saying you can use the Ark freely then why are we still discussing this?"

"Because I'm not avoiding detection from the Earl here, that should be your job. I'm trying to keep the Order from finding out our location. Two guys mysteriously disappearing from a closed room will definitely draw some finder's attention."

"So? We will long be gone by the time they arrive." Tyki just didn't get the boy's reasoning.

"That would completely ruin the effort I put into this" Allen shook his head and continued in a voice that gave the Noah the distinct feeling he was being talked down to. "Do you think I let myself get captured by all those different police forces out of fun? No, it was to give the Order false leads."

"Wait, just yesterday you told me some nonsense about bad luck, karma and the curse of being Cross Marian's apprentice and now you are saying it was on purpose?" Tyki asked annoyed. He certainly hadn't enjoyed their prison times. For some reason it was always him getting either beat up, chained to a wall or otherwise abused by the authorities while the actual criminal (alias Allen) would just stand by and smile.

"The curse is real! Don't diss the curse! Why do you think there are so many search warrants for me in the first place!?"

"Because you are an evil little twerp with a serious gambling problem?" Tyki guessed.

Allen graciously decided to ignore that comment. It was totally untrue after all.

"Anyway the Order will look into our captures sooner or later. If something is obviously fishy about our disappearance, like say _mysteriously vanishing from a closed room_, they can make it quick by reason of innocence and will get information on us in two to three days. But if we run away the normal way without using supernatural means they will only hear about us way later and then have to go through a bureaucratic hell so it can take up to three weeks."

Tyki just gave him a blank stare. "Okay? So they won't get prison records easily but does that really matter? Wouldn't it have been easier to just hide from the Order in the first place?"

"Of course not." Allen said with a slightly exasperated voice "You have to give them something to do or they will get bored. Moreover, like this, they will know that we are using the Ark and won't concentrate on a single country. Combine a worldwide search with bureaucracy and the limited number of administrative officers that are concerned with finding us and you get yourself at least two weeks of freedom."

"That's sounds more like a wild guess than a logical conclusion" Tyki complained in a last ditch attempt to keep himself from participating in a merry police chase through Mexico's streets. "And isn't our biggest problems the finders? They are practically everywhere, look like normal people and stupidly report back everything they see!"

"It's not a guess but experience, And the very same thing could be said about Akuma and yet you never seemed to worry about them." Allen pointed out, sounding unconcerned about the whole thing.

"Because you can detect Akuma's!" Tyki tried to explain himself "Your magical eye thingy can see them from a distance so we can avoid them! But finders are practically undetectable so its impossible to hide from them."

Allen rolled his eyes at that "You know, for a Noah you are pretty pathetic if you can't even tell who's a finder and who's not. There are many little signs they use to communicate their status to other finders so identifying them is easy enough."

Said pathetic Noah blinked at that "Signs? Like what?" He'd never noticed anything but if that was true it would make his work a whole lot easier in the future.

"Right." the boy snorted "As if I'd tell you. But really, shouldn't a Noah know these sort of things already? It's a wonder you guys get anything done with that little skill. I'm not using the Ark and that's final."

"And shouldn't an exorcist _not_ know these kind of things?" Tyki grumbled back, slightly annoyed at the other's teasing and knowing that there wasn't anything else he could say in favour of using the Ark. Not because he had run out of arguments or anything but because the brat was stubborn as hell.

"Talent." Allen said flippantly and seeing that he had finally won the argument went and pressed his ear against the door that lead to the guard rooms. "And three years under Cross, who by the way was _never_ caught by the Order" he added as he listened in to the muffled conversation on the other side.

The Noah frowned at that. How come that everything about Allen always seemed to relate back to that 'Cross Marian' person? Tyki knew about the man of course, since he was an exorcist general and everything. Hard to ignore him, really. Especially after the twins had been ordered to track the guy down – Tyki's ears had practically been bleeding from all the complaining they had done about him. Road had also told him that it had been Marian who kicked his noah-fied ass on the ark but luckily Tyki didn't really remember what happened during the time his Noah took over so he was spared the painful memory. Still, Walker overdid it with how often he mentioned that man.

"You know, I'm beginning to think you have some serious issues there." he commented offhandedly.

"Hm?"

"About that Cross Marian guy."

"Yeah, he's problematic."

"No, I mean you have, like, a serious obsession. Do you ever listen to yourself? 'Cross Marian did this, Cross Marian did that, Cross Marian threw me into the Amazonas to teach me swimming.' Whenever something bad happens you somehow believe it to be that guy's fault."

Tyki hadn't really expected much of a reaction by pointing this out to the boy. It had been more of a random observation than anything and it didn't seem all that ground-breaking. But apparently Allen begged to differ.

The white haired boy stared at him, eyes widened in ...shock? Fear? Tyki wasn't quite sure how to interpret this specific expression but he had the distinct feeling he had seen it somewhere before.

"Um...maybe not exactly a serious obsession?" he tried to retract his statement "More like...a small or...well, medium obsession?"

Allen was still staring, his mouth opened slightly open as if he was trying to find words but couldn't. Ah, now Tyki finally remembered where he had seen that look before. It was exactly the same expression that Road's vic- eh...playmates usually had on their faces whenever she mentioned the word 'dolls' around them. Or 'dress-up'. Or 'candles'. Or...well generally anything that would have seemed completely harmless, had it been said by anyone _but_ Road.

But he was digressing. Point was, he knew that expression.

Terror.

Jup, Tyki was sure. Allen was staring at him in silent terror.

_'Now, surely this is a mild overreaction?'_

"You...you..." Allen managed to stammer "...name...you...three.."

"Yes?" Tyki inquired "You need to speak a little bit more coherently, please."

Allen just continued to gape at him, his mouth still forming silent words and the Noah really had to wonder what exactly he had said that was horrible enough to cause this kind of mental shutdown in the other. Was the name 'Cross Marian' a trigger or something? Nah, nobody could be that scary, after all Walker was facing Noah and Akuma on a daily basis without going into hysterics. Or maybe it really was the implied obsession? Or the reminder of the Amazonas incident? Now that last one could make sense. After all childhood traumata were said to b-

Before Tyki could finish this particular train of though a glowing white gate opened up under him and he fell through the floor.

* * *

"OW!" Tyki exclaimed as he fell on his butt "What the-?!"

"Don't you ever do that again!"

"What?"

"Never, ever. Understood?"

Tyki looked up from his position on the floor, glancing around the familiar white town. "Why the hell are we in the Ark?" he frowned "Didn't you just give me some cock and bull speech about why we can't use the gate?"

"Screw the Order" Allen snapped back. He was standing over Tyki, glowering down. Apparently he had somehow managed to get back his ability to speak in full sentences in the last few seconds. He definitely didn't look terrified anymore at least. Thinking about it, the Noah realized that the boy had quickly gone from terrified to terrifying, with the way his eyes were narrowed and one of his clawed fingers pointing at him accusingly.

"Never again. Understood?"

"Uh? Sure?" Tyki offered with a strained smile. "Only...what exactly should I never do again?" Because really he had no idea what was going on here.

"His _name_! You said it three times in a row!" Allen exclaimed as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Tyki still had no clue what the hell was going on. "Ehm...so?"

Allen just looked at him as if he was stupid. "So? _So?"_ there was still a slightly panicked edge to his voice "What if you had summoned him or something?"

It took Tyki a few moments to process that. "You mean...like the devil? In the legends? Superstitions?"

"_Exactly!_"

The young exorcist exclaimed with so much passion that Tyki couldn't help himself. He snorted. "You of all people are superstitious? Really?"

Allen glared.

"Shounen, I expected better from you" the Noah shook his head in mock disappointment. "You are fighting a war against the Millennium Earl, but are scared to repeat your teacher's name out loud?"

"I'm not scared of saying his stupid name out loud. Who the hell is scared of a name? I just don't do it three times in a row! How would you like it if I repeated the Earl's name like that, huh?"

Tyki shrugged. "I honestly wouldn't care since I don't believe in that kind of mumbo-jumbo." Even though, when he actually thought about it, he probably would feel slightly uncomfortable too. Speaking of the devil and all. And the Millennium Earl most definitely qualified for that position. "And for your information, that myth goes for demons or devils. Not some overbearing teachers. If anything you should be scared of the Earl randomly popping up." he finally decided to add. If only to discourage the other from trying. Not that _he_ believed in that of course. Truly.

"You don't understand" Allen sighed sadly "You have absolutely no idea. _He_ is so much worse than the Earl."

And now that was just plain nonsense in the Noah's opinion. He had been right, the boy had a serious obsession. "Unlikely. Extremely so."

"Fine. Think what you want" the other huffed in a tone that suggested that he was everything but fine with Tyki's continued denial of Marian's demonic nature. "So what now?"

"Well..." Tyki drawled and finally picked himself up from his rather uncomfortable position on the floor. "Since we are already here, how about we use a gate to some far away country and find an inn to spend the night?"

"Hm...but our last escape is now kinda blotched up so I thought we might-"

"No. No more prison hopping. I've had enough. This is supposed to be a holiday so we'll go somewhere where they don't have a dozen search warrants for you decorating the station walls. I want to spend this night in a nice, warm bed and not some random prison cell."

The whole thing had been said with such an air of finality that even Allen seemed to realize that the other was serious for once. And considering they had already done quite a lot to divert the Order's attention the boy decided to relent this once.

"Fine, have it your way. I'll ark us to London and we'll look for an Inn."

"London?"

"Yes, London. It's a big city and since my master avoided anything close to the Order like a pest I have no criminal record there to speak of."

"You can go practically anywhere in the world and you choose London? That's basically like camping out on the Order's front porch."

"Which is exactly why they won't look for us there. Plus I speak the language. I'm sick of only hearing insults and threats all the time." Allen smiled at the idea of finally being able to understand his environment again. Mexico was nice and everything, but his Spanish was restricted to a couple of swear words and some mafia-lingo, and that naturally just wouldn't do for a polite young man like himself.

"I see." Tyki secretly wondered whether Allen had truly understood the threats the Mexican police men had uttered at them. Some of them had been positively disturbing, yet the boy hadn't even bat an eyelash. Then again, with how things were going, he wouldn't be surprised if the brat had understood them perfectly well and simply not given much of a crap.

"So London it is."

Another white gate opened in the air and this time Tyki made sure to step through with his feet first.

* * *

So yes, some background explanations for why the hell they are going to be in London. I know this story is supposed to be comedy but personally I still like things to be logical. And why the hell was my formatting killed by ff-net?-_-

And Cross Marian is still very much alive in this story, so you must excuse Allen's paranoia.^^


	3. A Hobo, A Clown and an Undertaker

**Thank you for the reviews! **(bookpoisoning, Carefree98, bougainvillea blossom, TOOLAZYTOLOGIN, Ennael, Simo-chan, thesparkie2300)

**Questions**:

**Carefree98**: Hey there! To answer your question, yes the Order will also get a little screentime later on. And so will the Noahs of course.

**Ennael**: Meci beaucoup! Mais mon francais es horrible...which is why I'll write in english now. Since you can read the ff I hope that's alright with you? Anyway, I hope I understood everything correctly but I'd be honoured if my fanfic got translated :D I'm really glad you like it! And yeah, I'll probably continue it for quite some time since my stories somehow always progress so slowly...

Disclaimer: I don't own shit. Sadly.

* * *

**A Hobo, A Clown and An Undertaker (Walk into a Bar)**

The inn they had spend the night in was a dingy little thing at the edge of town. Since arking directly into London was impossible to do without attracting a lot of attention (and quite possibly causing a mass panic) Allen had decided that the suburbs were the closest he could get them with the gate.

Tyki figured that the area itself wasn't half pretty. No, seriously. It was ugly as hell.

Whatever new hygienic measures existed within the better parts of London definitely hadn't reached this particular area yet. The air was stale even on the outside, trash littered the sidewalks and seemingly every small crevice and alley was occupied by homeless and rats. Not too far away a few blackened chimneys could be seen, crows circling around them like vultures. It was also still close enough to the actual heart of the city that the buildings were at least a few stories tall and blocked out any sunshine that might have otherwise illuminated the grey streets. Not that there was any sunshine to be blocked. This was England after all, so naturally, it was raining.

All in all it was exceptionally gloomy and the Noah could practically feel the hopelessness radiating of the place.

"This place is..." '..._filthy, poor, smelly and a breeding pot for plagues...'_ Tyki thought. But when he tried to put his feelings into words the only thing he could say was: "...absolutely perfect."

"Thought you would like it" Allen said smugly, looking around the street with a bored face. "It's totally your style after all."

"Oh?" Tyki queried "What makes you say that?"

"You play homeless coal-miner in your free time" Allen said "Plus being a Noah and therefore generally enjoying people's misery...well, it only makes sense you know?"

"You know me too well" Tyki grinned.

"I fear so too" Allen sighed "Come on let's find a place to stay and tomorrow morning we'll get ourselves some _proper_ clothes."

Tyki looked down on his attire: slightly smudged shirt, black vest and once-shiny shoes. The time he had spend locked into one cell or another had done wonders for his overly expensive outfit but the boy was right, this just wouldn't do. They would stick out like sore thumps in this area.

His grin widening the Noah pulled out a pair of thick, swirly glasses from his pocket and put them on "Way ahead of you shounen. Way ahead."

* * *

After another hour or so in which Tyki and Allen had planlessly wandered the streets the boy finally seemed to have found an inn that suited his tastes. Now, normally Tyki would have gleefully mocked him for being such a picky wuss. However, it occurred that the boy had somehow managed to pick out the one place in this area that seemed even more run-down and gloomy than the rest. The inn was poetically dubbed '_The Hanged Man_' and an artful little picture of a man hung by his neck decorated the wall, drawn in brownish reds that gave people the uncomfortable feeling that it wasn't painted with actual colours at all.

"You sure know how to pick them" Tyki commented appreciatively.

"Hm?" Allen blinked back at him "What do you mean?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Tyki asked "This place looks even creepier than the rest of the street. And I'm pretty sure that the thing at the end of it is a morgue or something."

The boy just scrunched up his nose, cocking his head to the side and staring up at the building contemplatively "I'm not quite sure what you are on about. I think it looks a lot happier than the other buildings with having pictures drawn on it and looking at a park."

Tyki turned to look at the aforementioned park at the other side of the street. There were trees. And some birds. And graves. It was a cemetery.

"Right..."

"You coming then? It's getting cold and I'm hungry" Allen said, already pushing the door open.

Tyki, who until then had still stared at the 'park', just nodded. There really was no reason to further discuss the boy's tastes, after all they were surprisingly good in the Noah's esteemed opinion.

The inside of the building looked much the same as the outside. The ground floor was a bar, dark wood panelling on the walls, a counter running ... and a few small tables and stools thrown around the area. The windows filtered out a lot of the light and only a few dim lamps helped them to orientate themselves properly. Behind the bar a fat man in is thirties was currently cleaning a glass with a dirty rack and Tyki made a mental note not to eat or drink anything from here.

"Good evening!" Allen exclaimed happily as he spotted the man.

The bartender looked up from the glass that he had by now managed to scrub grey. His beady, small eyes were surveying the newcomers with distrust with his mouth set in a heavy frown.

"Good evening!" Allen tried again when he didn't get an immediate answer. "We'd like some rooms!"

The bartender's frown deepened and he looked from Allen to Tyki and back again. "Who are ya lads? Neva seen ya 'round." With the way he pronounced the question however Tyki guessed the true meaning was something along the lines of: 'I don't know you and I honestly don't care who you are but would you kindly fuck off please?' Only formulated far less elegantly off course.

Naturally Allen ignored the implied meaning.

"I'm Allen Walker and this gentleman here is Tyki Mikk." the boy answered and gestured to the Noah. "We are travellers that are passing through and wanted to spend a few nights here."

"...Why 'ere?" This time Tyki was sure this translated into: 'Even I know this place is a dump so why the hell would you stay here out of your own free will?'

But again, Allen ignored the obvious.

"Because this place is just lovely of course!" he proclaimed with a broad smile and such honesty that everyone but Tyki might have nearly believed him, had it not been for the utterly rundown surroundings that is. But Tyki knew better of course. He didn't only _nearly_ believe him. He _knew_ the brat was being serious.

The bartender for his part looked slightly disturbed and mustered the boy with even more distrust. His eyes bored into Allen as if he was expecting the boy to either tell him he was kidding or suddenly pull a bloody knife from his pocket and scream 'surprise!'.

"Ya two look a bit ta posh ta be in this area o' town. Ya ain't runnin' from the coppers are ya?" the man grumbled "Cuz I don't want ta guys here if ya are."

"Of course not good sir!" Allen exclaimed with fake horror and an incredulous expression on the his face "We are just two honest men trying to find a place for the night. And excuse me if our appearance threw you off but I can assure you,we too are only working men."

"That so?" the bartender didn't seem to believe a single word they said "Then why the fancy clothes and speak, huh?"

"I work as a clown. You must understand, in the entertainment business appearances are everything" the boy explained with a smile and a flourish of his hand, letting some cards pop out out off nowhere. "And Tyki here had a rich mistress until she found out that he was a cheating scumbag and threw him out. Now he's just your average hobo."

Tyki raised an eyebrow at that.

The man critically looked at the cards in the others hand and then let his eyes glide over the boy, from his white hair to the scar marring his face. "Fine, I can believe ya that ya're a clown or whateva, lookin' freakishly enough for it" he paused for a second "And ya're weird. A lot."

"Thank you" the boy replied as if it was a compliment.

Then the bartender's gaze shifted to Tyki who was still wearing his swirly glasses. "But that fella right there? I don't trust 'im. Don't look the part to have a rich missus."

'_Well, ouch_.' Tyki felt insulted. If he wanted to he could have plenty rich mistresses! And he certainly looked the part too! And why was he met with more distrust than Allen anyway? "That's a rather impolite thing to say to my face, don't you think?"

"Is the truth." the bartender shrugged at him before turning towards Allen again "But fine. If ya really ain't running from the coppers you can stay 'ere."

"Promise!" Allen beamed at the man "No running from anyone!" Liar.

"Two rooms, that's five pound for each of ya for the night." The man said finally, looking at Allen expectantly and holding his hand out.

Allen's smile vanished at that and he just stared at it for a minute before turning towards Tyki. "Tyki. Pay."

The Noah chose to ignore rude command and gave a shrug instead "Sorry, got no money on me."

The boy's eyes narrowed at that, running him over as if to decide whether or not he was lying. Maybe it was the innocent smile on Tyki's face. Or the fact that he was generally a very honest person. Or maybe the brat remembered that the reason why Tyki was currently bankrupt was because Allen himself had cheated him out of his last money just two days prior. But whatever it was, Allen chose to believe him.

"Fine." he huffed "But if I find out you are lying and just making me pay your stuff I'll make you regret it."

"Didn't you just try to make me pay for your stuff too?"

"Tyki if you're lying I'll hurt you."

"But still, you just tried to do exactly that!"

"I'll gauge your eyes out and feed them to you." Allen smiled.

"But..." Tyki was feeling a little perturbed. Not that he wasn't used to threats, even threats form Allen, but the boy certainly never formulated them so crudely before. "...okay?"

"Good" the smile turned towards the barkeeper "One room then please."

"One?" the man asked with a frown looking between them. "I only got a bed a room lad, you'd havta share."

"That's perfectly fine" Allen smiled back, not seeing a problem there. People that couldn't pay their own stuff and made him pay in their stead weren't worth their own room after all. He didn't even consider them human, really. More like vermin. Or leeches. One bed was fine - Tyki could sleep on the floor.

Tyki however begged to differ. Funnily enough so did the bartender.

"I want my own bed!"

"Ya sure ya want ta share a room with a guy twice ya age?"

"I have a right to a bed after I went to prison for you!"

"He ain't forcing ya to do stuff is 'e?"

At the last part the bartender and Tyki looked at each other incredulously.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Tyki asked annoyed "What makes you think I'm forcing him to do anything? And why the fuck do you even care?"

"And why did ya go to prison for 'im?" the bartender shot back "There's somethin' fishy 'bout ya, I knew it."

Tyki just glared. He was so sick of being accused of being a paedophile. "I'm not quite sure what you're trying to insinuate but I'm sure you're wrong" he grit out between clenched teeth.

"Don't play dumb. Just know that I'll be keepin' an eye on ya."

"No need! I'm not some-"

A loud roar of thunder interrupted them before things could escalate further, causing both of them to jump a little in surprise.

"I'm hungry." Allen stated.

"Ah." Tyki understood.

"What the hell?" The bartender didn't quite make the connection yet.

"No, really" Allen continued "I'm quite hungry so could I please have a room now and then dinner?"

The bartender wanted to argue a little further but something about the white haired boys demeanour had suddenly changed. His smile was a little too wide and his eyes held a dangerous gleam as he held out his hand for a key. "Eh...here ya go. Dinner starts in an hour."

"Thank you" the boy smiled and paid the five pounds in exchange for the key. "Come on Tyki let's go."

"Wait, that's only one key! What about my bed?" Tyki protested.

"Lets. Go. Tyki."

"My. Bed. Shounen."

"Don't test me. I'm hungry."

"..._fine_."

* * *

Unsurprisingly the room was just as creepy as the rest of the house. First off all it had the number 13. It was also located in the attic. And of course its only window gave them a perfect view of what Allen had dubbed 'a lovely, little park'. Awesome.

"Are you really making me sleep on the floor?" Tyki asked while staring at the singular bed mournfully.

"Yes" the boy plopped down on the end of said bed.

"Can I at least have the blanket and the pillow?" he tried.

"Sure."

"What, really?" that one surprised Tyki. He had honestly expected to sleep on the cold floor with only a pillow. A blanket would at least keep him warm. Maybe the boy wasn't all that bad after all. Or maybe he was starting to treat Tyki more like a human and less like a walking annoyance.

"I mean, why not? The blanket doesn't look at that great anyway. It kinda reeks and is full of holes and Crown Clown makes for a perfect makeshift blanked anyway."

"Oh." Tyki was taking back his last thought, the brat was still mean.

"Anyway, first your claw as a lock pick and now the cloak as a blanket - I still think you are misusing your innocence."

"Well, ok, maybe" Allen admitted with a shrug, not really in the mood to argue. "But I'm far from the only one. Lenalee throws her shoes at people that annoy her, Lavi once used his hammer to plumb a toilet and Kanda regularly turns Mugen into an oversized toothpick. Want me to go on?"

"No, thank you" Tyki replied dryly. He really didn't want to know these things. It was quite disgusting to think that some exorcists used their innocence in such a fashion, only to attack them with it later on. Luckily he couldn't recall ever getting hit by the Bookman's hammer or skewered by the Japanese's katana. But thinking about it, he did get slashed with a certain broadsword. "Just...ehm...please tell me you never did anything like that with your sword of exorcism."

"Crown Clown?" Allen asked sounding slightly amused "Technically not, it's a broadsword and kind of useless for anything that doesn't include beheading akumas or attacking Kanda."

"Oh, good." Tyki breathed out relieved, happy that he never got attacked by and improvised toilet plunger. But wait. "What do you mean by _technically_?"

Allen just shrugged nonchalantly "Well, like I said Crown Clown's sword form is pretty unhandy but most of the time it's in the form of my left arm so of course I use it for more than just slashing at things."

"Ah" Tyki nodded. He hadn't thought of that before but even if he didn't fancy nearly getting offed by a lock-pick it could have been much worse. "I can live with that."

"Really?" the exorcists asked way too gleefully "I just thought it would bother you because I'm ambidextrous you know?" Allen sniggered, waving his left hand around and wriggling his fingers.

But the Noah didn't know and didn't get it.

"And a _guy_" Allen added with some more sniggers.

Slowly, something dawned on Tyki.

"And a _teenager_."

It took Tyki a few more seconds to get the implication.

And a good minute to connect the implication to the white haired boy.

Then Tyki was horrified.

"Hell, no, you didn't just say that. Please tell me you are shitting me. You _are_ kidding aren't you?"

Allen just snorted a laugh, an immensely smug look on his face. "That's for me to know and for you to never ever find out."

"No, seriously. That isn't funny shounen!"

"But of course it is. And now let's get cleaned and down to dinner. I'm getting hungrier by the second."

"Shounen, please!"

* * *

By the time the two of them managed to get cleaned (thanks to a shared bathroom on the third floor that looked like it hadn't been cleaned in ages and only had cold water) it was already nine in the evening and half an hour after the official beginning of dinner time. Naturally Allen wasn't very amused. Neither was Tyki even if for entirely different reasons.

While they were gone the bar had gotten a little bit more lively and a lot more creepy. People were sitting at the tables around the room and a woman in her late thirties was bringing out food from a door to the left side of the counter. The room itself had gotten even darker now that no more sun came in from the small windows, only lit up by a couple of dim lamps and candles. Those that frequented the bar only added to the heavy atmosphere. Most of them were men, some of them wore hoods, a few looked like they were crippled and absolutely all of them were shady. So shady in fact, that even Tyki had to mentally remind himself that he was probably the most dangerous being in the room. (Well, him or the exorcists brat at least.)

"I think they are watching us" Allen mumbled as they made their way over to a table in the corner.

"Same here" Tyki agreed "And I have the feeling that old woman to our left is either grinning at us or baring her teeth. But I'm not quite sure which since she doesn't seem to have any teeth left."

"I think she is leering. At you that is" the boy answered after glancing to the left.

"Oh, brilliant..."

By the time the two of them sat down on their table most people were openly staring at them. Allen shifted in his seat uncomfortably and Tyki fumbled with his glasses. Both of them were suddenly acutely aware of the way they looked in comparison to the others. Tyki of course knew that for him it was mostly his clothes that let him stand out. Even if they were slightly dirty and torn by now, they were still made of materials that would cost the average factory worker his yearly wage. Allen on the other hand, while wearing slightly more normal clothes simply stood out due to his white hair and scarred face. But they had already agreed to get their new clothes the next morning so for now they couldn't do anything but to simply had to endure the stares.

As the evening progressed the staring never completely stopped but at least it dwindled down to occasional glances in their direction. The only exception had been the many disbelieving looks they received when Allen's usual mountain of food arrived and consequently vanished in the boy's black hole of a stomach. Not that Tyki could blame them. After all even he still felt the curious mix of fascination and slight nausea whenever he watched the exorcist eat.

Allen for his part didn't know why Tyki refused to eat or drink anything in 'this particular establishment' but he was definitely glad he didn't have to pay for him too.

At some point in time Tyki had pulled out his usual set of cards and soon the two of them were cheating their way through all kinds of games. It was nearing eleven and the two of them had started to relax some more when another person entered the bar and made his way to the counter.

Tyki immediately knew that there was something very wrong with this specific person.

Why you might ask? There were several indicators.

First of all, the man stood out even more than them. His long, black coat and top-hat were clean and new-looking. In the back, his hair reached down to his waist and in the front it covered up the whole upper half of his face, making it impossible to see his eyes. The only thing that was really visible was the broad and slightly psychotic grin on his face, the kind that Tyki himself had perfected a long time ago.

Then there was of course the way that all conversations and whispers suddenly ceased and a nervous silence fell over the room. Everyone's eyes were on the man as he slowly strode through the room. The man himself, on his part, didn't look bothered by the attention at all.

Especially unsettling was also the fact that, despite his apparent youth, his hair was white. Not just grey or a light blonde, but an unearthly, clean, snow white. Which, as everybody knows, was a sign of evil. (Or so Tyki thought)

But the final clue? The one thing that could proof to Tyki that this man spelled trouble and that he wanted absolutely nothing to do with him?

_Apparently Allen knew him._

"Undertaker!" Allen exclaimed in happy surprise.

"Little Allen!" came the joyful reply.

"Fuck, no." Tyki groaned in dread.

The man looked around him, spotting them in their corner. He quickly grabbed the bottle the bartender had put on the counter counter for him and then headed directly towards their table. Once he arrived he snatched a chair from the neighbouring table (not a free one of course, but weirdly enough the person that sat there quickly vacated it once the man came near) and plopped down in it, looking far too satisfied with the new seating arrangement.

"Cookies?" he randomly asked and suddenly held out a box full of bone-shaped biscuits.

"No, thank you" Tyki replied somewhat testily.

"Sure" Allen simply took the whole box for himself. "It's been a long time. How are you?"

"Fine. Business is going well lately, with the new factory and a pneumonia epidemic going around" the man, 'Undertaker?' answered good naturedly "And you, boy?"

"Going splendid! I'm currently on holidays you see" he said enthusiastically.

"How nice! I wished I could go on vacation too, but people just wouldn't stop dying. Such a bad habit, really."

That was enough for Tyki. "Okay, who the hell are you and how do you know each other?"

"Oh, right!" Allen seemed to finally remember his companion "Tyki, this is Undertaker. Undertaker this is Tyki Mikk. We're currently travelling together."

"Undertaker? You mean he is _an_ undertaker?" the Noah wasn't exactly happy with the short introduction.

"Well, that too."

"Pleasure to meet you Mister Tyki Mikk!" Undertaker grabbed the others hand, shaking it enthusiastically "I presume your presence here and _his_ lack of presence means that the arsene worked?"

"Huh?" Tyki had no idea what the other was talking about, but Allen quickly intervened.

"Ah, sadly not. And I didn't use arsene, kinda hard for a twelve year old to get his hands on. Mercury on the other hand...well" Allen trailed of "Anyway, the bastard noticed and I had to scrub all the toilets in the brothel. Twice. It was horrible I tell you." Allen said mournfully.

"Pity. You seemed so exited to try it" Undertaker sighed but quickly perked up again "But at least that means I'm keeping one of my favourite customers! I don't have many as lively as him."

"Wait, what?" Tyki asked looking from one white head to the other "You two poisoned someone?"

"No we didn't" Allen corrected him "Didn't you listen? It didn't work. And Undertaker only gave me a few pointers here and there."

"Who did you try to poison? And why?" The Noah wasn't going to let the topic slip quite yet "I mean, you are _Allen Walker_! Saver of Akuma, destroyer of time, friend to all humans! You don't _kill_ people!"

"Oho?" Undertaker asked.

"It was only Cross" the boy wasn't impressed by the other's outburst "He isn't a person and I never really expected it to work. Evil never dies."

"The guy gave you tips how to off your teacher?"

"Yes, he's such a nice guy isn't he?"

Fuck. No.

"Since it didn't work does that mean your master is still around? Do you think he might need a new coffin anytime soon?" Undertaker interrupted them and leaned forward in his seat, his face getting so close to Allen's face that every normal person would have shied back.

Allen however just smiled "I don't know. Maybe. But you work was really good so it might last some time longer."

"Why would that guy be buying a coffin?" Tyki asked slightly baffled at where things were going now.

"For his lovely lady corpse of course, silly!" Undertaker answered before Allen could "That's how I know little Allen here. Came with his master, very polite and a great sense of humour!"

"I bet" the Noah mumbled slightly disturbed. Because 'lovely lady corpse'? Really? The more he heard about Allen and his upbringing the more he was starting to understand what Road saw in the boy. Not in the creepy, paedophilic way of course, but more in the 'oh-my-god-he's-just-as-nuts-as-her' kind of way. Maybe she was right and they really were fated to be together? After all, they both had really messed up tastes and a slightly (very) warped character beneath a cute exterior.

"But anyway! I have to get back to my costumers now, don't want to keep them waiting" the undertaker suddenly said and abruptly stood up. "I was only here to get some Alcohol since I ran out. You should visit me boy. I now work at the end of this very street!"

_'Look at that' _Tyki though _'It really was a morgue.'_

"Sure" Allen doomed the both of them.

"We'll see" Tyki tried to rescue the situation.

"Well then, see you soon!"

With that the man happily skipped out of the bar and back into the darkness of the night. The bar was still silent but now all the attention and distrusting stares were back on the two of them again. And this time Tyki couldn't blame them.

"Well...that was...different" he tried to sum up the encounter. "He's nuts isn't he?"

"So very much" Allen replied with a grin.

"And his customer are..."

"Dead."

"Thought so."

* * *

When I wrote the beginning of that chapter the weather in Britain had been curiously well. The whole god-damn last week. As if to spite me. And now I'm sitting at Gatwick Airport. For 8 hours. Our plane needs to be changed. Luckily I have my laptop and managed to salvage one of the only two chargers in the waiting area. People are circling me like vultures but I'll not give up my post. Muahahaha!

Dirty jokes Allen is my favourite Allen. And paedo-Tyki is too much fun to ignore -w-

Happy belated Easter btw!  
DA


	4. It's all a Matter of (Mis) Perception

**Many thanks to**: (kickassdani, DeeRoseWalker, Carefree98, Ennael, bourgainvillea blossom, SwordsDeath, TOOLAZYTOLOCKIN, Cloud Carnivore, Arathelia, Guest, amberwolf, blackred2death, Lucia Tsukiyomi-Hime)  
Thank you for all your awesome review! And sorry, for the longer wait. But...exams. Ugh.

**Questions:**

Ennael: I understand your problem with writing in english perfectly. I can actually read and understand your comments (mostly) but I could never write in french myself. It so hard...T-T But yeah, anyway, if you have any question I would definitely help you! :D Also, both the Order and (especially) the Noah will get some screen-time too, so don't worry there.

Cloud Carnivore: Don't worry, Ciel and Sebastian aren't all that far away anymore. This chapter already foreshadows them a little. ;D

**Warning**! Not proof-read yet. But it's like four in the morning and I just don't manage that anymore. If you see anything wrong, tell me I'll correct it later anyway! :D

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing. Seriously. Otherwise there would be lots more shirtless Tyki, Harrr

* * *

**It's all a Matter of (Mis)perception**

The next morning Tyki and Allen got up early. Allen, because he was still used to waking up at 6am sharp, and Tyki because he hadn't really slept at all. The floor sucked.

But whereas both of them had been up rather early, it had nearly taken them until nine to get properly dressed and ready to leave the hotel in order to finally get themselves some new clothes. If anyone were to later ask Tyki, just why two guys needed over two hours to get dressed, he would have given them various reasons, theories and complex explanations that didn't really make much sense, but eventually all lead back to one conclusion: Allen Walker was not a morning person.

It was one of the first things Tyki had found out about his travel-companion and at the beginning he had considered it a rather amusing thing.

Watching the boy's behaviour after waking up, had quickly turned out to be a great source of entertainment for Tyki. Especially since he had spent his first nights of his supposed holiday in dingy, little prison cells and was therefore feeling a little resentful towards the brat.

Allen's morning generally started with him waking up. Which seemed like an obvious and normal sort of thing, but really wasn't. Or maybe it was, but at least it wasn't nearly as boring as other's methods of waking.

It normally started with a growl.

At exactly 6am – and yes, Tyki had looked at the clock and was secretly impressed at the accuracy- Allen's stomach would give a very loud, very unnatural sounding sort of growl.

This sound, and probably the accompanying feeling of hunger, was what always woke the boy up in the early mornings. Allen would scrunch up his nose, furrow his brows, sit up in bed and only then open his eyes to stare down at his stomach in confusion.

A second loud growl would follow, accompanied by a small groan that suspiciously sounded like the word "food".

Now, to the untrained observer it would seem that, at this point, the boy was definitely awake. After all, he was moving, talking and had his eyes open. Tyki however, being as observant as he was, knew this to merely be a facade. A lie, possibly created to keep others from trying to wake the boy any further. Because, even if he seemed awake at first glance, the Portuguese was sure that at least parts of the boy's brain were still somewhere in the middle of REM sleep.

Because Allen's already horrible sense of direction was even worse in the mornings. So much, that it even affected his ability to orientate himself in a single room. He had a tendency to stumble over things, walk into walls and to stare in a random direction for a good five minutes before apparently deciding it was the wrong one.

That, of course, made the process of getting dressed a little bit harder too.

And a whole lot more amusing of course.

But, as foreshadowed before, Tyki had only been able to find amusement in this for so long. Because naturally, like with everything else nice in Tyki's life, there was a downside to it. Which translated meant, that while at first fun, the boy's habit's quickly proofed themselves to be very detrimental to the Noah's physical and mental wellbeing.

Mostly because the brat had the tendency to sporadically try to kill Tyki.

No, not because he was a Noah and the other an exorcist or anything. Nothing so silly. Maybe it was the long hair, the smell of cigarettes or his naturally good looks, but somehow, somewhere in his very confused mind the boy had apparently managed to confuse him with Cross Marian. Which wasn't half as funny as it sounded.

Most of the time the exorcists just ignored the other's presence and just walk around mumbling incomprehensible stuff and mapping out the room via involuntary touch-perception. Sometimes however, the brat would suddenly look startled and stare at Tyki as if he had seen a ghost. What followed was usually a very abrupt and violent reaction that included swearwords, tears and more often than not an innocent claw at his throat. Once the boy had even tried to jug a bed at him after figuring out that throwing Tyki out of the window didn't work (It had been in prison and there had been bars).

All in all this behaviour was both a little disconcerting and a real downer for Tyki's mood. Especially since, after the previous day, he didn't want that claw anywhere near his person.

But he was digressing.

The gist of this was, that if it took them a good two hours to get ready it was all Allen's fault.

So it was roughly eight o clock when the two of them started their little venture outside of the pub and began looking for some proper clothes.

* * *

"That looks absolutely horrible" Allen stated after giving Tyki a once-over. "Those clothes don't suit you. They make you look fat. And with those glasses and the stubble on your chin you look like you have just crawled out of a dumbster. Or spent the night in East End. Same thing, really."

"Why, thank you" the Noah replied with a grin, happy to have the other's approval. "I wished I could say the same thing about you, but your attire hasn't changed all that much."

"True" Allen noted, "But I'm going for travelling entertainer not hobo, so it should be alright."

The two of them were currently in the small clothes shop that they had spotted the previous day. As expected, the assortment was quite cheap and painful to the eye. When they had entered the shop, the owner had been quite surprised to see two men with dirty but obviously expensive clothing willing to buy from him. His surprise had only doubled when they had proposed an exchange. Their current clothes against two sets from his ones. He would have been stupid not to accept that deal, especially since the taller man's clothes were made of some of the finest materials on the marked and probably worth more than his shop anyway.

So here they were, trying on clothes and making themselves look less presentable.

"I think I'll take this" Tyki decided after looking himself up and down in the mirror again.

"But of course" Allen supplied "they look absolutely horrendous!"

"Quite hideous, yes." the shop-owner answered, having been there to hear the whole conversation. He wasn't quite sure what the two men were trying to do, but he had the sneaking suspicion that making themselves look good was certainly not the aim. "Well, if you want they are yours..."

"Brilliant!" the white haired man smiled back at the owner. The shop-owner had noticed that, between the two strangers, it was mostly the younger one making the decisions. It was curious, especially since the man was a lot younger than his companion. _'__Late teens__'_ the shop-owner figured, _'__sixteen, maybe seventeen_'. But in these parts of London that was hardly considered a child anymore, people had to grow up fast, so the he didn't comment on it.

"Will this be all then?" he asked instead.

"Well, yes...only..." the white haired one trailed off for a second, apparently deep in thought, before continuing. "You wouldn't happen to have a clown costume, would you?"

"Ehm...no, sadly not. But maybe I can find one for you? If you give me a few days...maybe..."

"Oh no! That's fine!" the other quickly waved off "It was just a random thought, no need to try so hard."

"We're done then, shounen?" the taller man stepped up behind his companion. "I feel like playing some card games and having a smoke. So let's go."

"Yes, sure" Shounen - was that even a name? - replied "Well then, goodbye and have a nice day."

"Goodbye" he merely replied and watched the two of them leave, something like relieve blooming in his chest.

It was curious. Very curious. The two of them had certainly seemed nice and generous enough. He should have been happy about their visits. And yet, during their whole visit there had been this feeling of dread in his stomach. Telling him to run away. As st and fast and far as he could.

He shook his head, trying to clear it.

But as much as the shop-owner wanted to forget and ignore the sensation, it would be these feelings of dread, and not the fact that he had made a small fortune because of them, that would make him remember the two strange visitors. Especially when later being questioned by an equally as strange duo of master and servant.

* * *

Allen knew he wasn't the best with directions. He also knew that he had an uncanny talent to suddenly find himself in dangerous places or situations. Normally a very bad combination. But Allen being Allen, and therefore used to making the best out of completely shitty circumstances, knew how to use these things to his advantage.

It was quite obvious once you thought about it. It was also what, in the past, had given him the unprecedented ability to always find his way back to Cross Marian. Something that should have been impossible when considering the other's talent at vanishing and not giving a fuck about his student.

The trick was easy.

All he had to do was to honestly try and get as far away from a certain place as possible. In the past that had mostly been wherever his master was currently at. So, all he had to do was to try and get the hell away from somwhere and voila! His unique combination of absolute lack of direction and magnetism for getting in trouble would almost certainly lead him to whatever place he wanted to get away from.

So yes, he could find his way around.

The only downside was, that the trick only worked to get to bad places though.

But right now that didn't matter. Because right now he was doing his best _not_ to land himself in one of the more dangerous areas of London.

"Have you been here before?" Tyki questioned him while walking beside him.

"Nope."

"You really seem to know your way around though" the Noah continued, throwing him a distrusting look "You aren't just getting us lost again, right?"

"No. I know where we'll land" he replied. It wasn't a lie.

"So you know the way for sure?"

"I never said that. I just said that we'll arrive there one way or another."

Tyki nearly stopped walking at that, but instead settled for just glaring down at him. "So you are getting us lost after all. Can you at lest tell me where we're going then?"

"To a bad, bad place" Allen responded before realizing how lame that had sounded. "Don't worry, I'm sure there will be enough people to cheat out of their money there."

"Aha." Tyki was clearly sceptical. "And how much further is it to this 'bad, bad place'?"

"Ehm..." Allen tried to come up with an answer as they rounded another corner. Looking up he suddenly saw a lot more colours, lanterns and foreign faces around him. They were in china-town. "We just arrived!"

"Really?" the Noah next to him sighed, annoyed. "You just got lucky. I know it."

"Don't be silly. That was talent."

"But of course."

* * *

As the two of them made their way through the streets, Allen couldn't help but feel a little exited at all the foreign goods, smells and people. He had been fond of foreign cultures, finding them to be extremely interesting. And he was especially interested in China. After all, China was a big country, rich of culture and knowledge and everything. It even had its own version of the Mafia - the Triads, which Allen figured were kind of cool because they had this code of honour thing going on. Not that he knew all that much about their inner workings, because while he was certainly willing to learn, he was not exactly on speaking terms with some of them.

And of course there were Pandas!

He really, really wished he had encountered one of those fluffy, little things during one of his stays in China. But sadly he never seemed to find the time. His last stay had ended somewhat badly (with nearly dying and everything), and on previous visits with Cross he had been too busy earning money to explore the country. Maybe he should go there with Tyki some time later?

"Hey, how about this one?" Tyki asked, nudging the young exorcist in the side and pointing towards a building to their left.

"That's an opium house."

"I know" the Noah replied happily "One of the best places to gamble. Most people in there are about as high as you can get, before suffering from a seizure or suffocating on your own vomit that is. You don't even need to cheat properly since they wouldn't notice the difference anyway."

"Sounds lovely" Allen agreed. The fumes in the place would practically make it childsplay for them. Especially with the way his parasitic innocence kept him from being affected by most drugs and therefore capable to keep a clear head in this kind of environment. And judging from Tyki's attitude - and his conspicuous lack of any form smoker's cough despite his smoking habits – he assumed the same went for Noahs.

"Well then, let's go. I really wanna sleep in a bed tonight."

* * *

That evening Tyki and Allen were in very high spirits as they made their way back towards their hotel.

The opium den had been both - a lot of fun and very productive. At least until the owner of the place had turned up, given Allen a very long and very pointed look, before unceremoniously throwing both of them out of his establishment. Even so, Tyki was still giddy about practically robbing a bunch of helpless humans of their possessions, especially since he could finally afford a bed. And Allen was generally very fond of money.

Being in a good mood also gave both of them a very different outlook on life. As they walked through the drab, grey streets of London, they suddenly realized, that most of their past problems and woes could also be seen from a positive perspective. After all, didn't every bad experience also teach them lessons for life? Even their current worries were only half as bad as they had made them out to be. In retrospect, they figured, they had always taken things way to seriously.

Or, in other words, their whole reasoning was strikingly similar to the way a completely wasted person saw the world.

And yes, it was possible that they had slightly overestimated their respective resistances to opium.

"...so you see maybe it was good that she kicked me in the balls. Because I learned not to tell a woman the truth if they ask you if you think they are fat" Tyki finished his tale.

"Sure seems like it" Allen agreed happily. "I always wanted to see a panda."

"Oh?"

"Well, yeah but it never really worked out, you see? Especially since the last time I was in China you nearly killed me."

"Oh, sorry" Tyki replied, felling slightly guilty. Then he perked up again "But as a result your innocence evolved. And then you tried exorcising me with it."

"Oh, right. That's good then I guess" the white haired boy nodded to himself. "And you got stronger too, no?"

"Guess so" the Noah agreed before frowning slightly "At least I think I did... I'm not quite sure to be honest. Actually it just hurt like a bitch and made controlling my powers somewhat harder."

"Uhm..." Allen frowned too, trying to think up something positive about this. Then it clicked. "You hair! Your hair got longer. It looks good that way."

"You're right! Why didn't I think of that?"

"Because, obviously, I am smarter than you. Now it's your turn."

"Okay, let's see...there was certainly something good about..." Tyki desperately tried to come up with any bad, past experiences he knew Allen had made. Oh, right!

"There was certainly something good about that Mana guy's dead!" he exclaimed loudly.

Allen just stared at him in shock, mouth hanging slightly open.

"I mean. Surely...you learned...something, right?" Tyki tried to explain himself.

"Uhm..." the boy finally managed to say "...maybe..I mean when..."

"When?" the other urged him on.

"Well …there is certainly one thing I learned from when I nearly turned Mana into an Akuma four years ago."

"That the dead should stay dead, because creating life is the territory of God?" Tyki tried in an uncharacteristic show of wisdom.

"What? No" Allen threw the man an angry look that clearly showed just how retarded he thought that answer was. "I learned to never trust a stranger, no matter how kind or charming his smile might be."

"Ah, okay." Tyki said, letting his eyes wander over their surroundings lazily. Then he backtracked.

"_Ah, o__kay.__" _Tyki's sanity repeated, in a vain attempt to keep him from contemplating the last statement. But sadly, Tyki rarely listened to his sanity. And maybe he was a little high.

So he contemplated.

And came to a horrible conclusion.

"You..." Tyki started only to quickly trail of again because he was honestly afraid to ask. Mostly because he felt like he knew the answer already. Still, he had to do this, if only to be completely sure of his sneaking suspicion that Allen Walker was completely and utterly nuts. "...You are referring to the Millennium Earl aren't you?"

"Huh?" Allen just frowned at the question "Sure, I mean, there weren't exactly any other people around back then."

The implications behind boy's answer were so disturbing, that they made reasoning and common sense slam back into Tyki so hard that even Cross Marian... well, yeah you get the reference.

"Just to clarify. You just described the Earl as having a charming smile?" Tyki purposely voiced it as a question in the hope that it would make the statement feel somewhat less wrong. It didn't work.

"Yes?" Allen just stared at the Noah as if _he_ was the one being slow on the uptake.

Tyki simply stared back. He was trying his best to wrap his head around the idea that anyone could find the Earl's appearance not completely disturbing and utterly creepy. That didn't work either.

So he searched for an alternative explanation.

Then he had an idea.

"Wait, he wouldn't have happened to have approached you in his human form?" the Noah continued in what he felt was a stroke of genius. Or maybe a further attempt at denial. Whatever. After all, if the Earl had been in 'Adam'-mode, Tyki could see how the man would seem trustworthy or maybe even charming. "Old geezer in his forties? Stubbly chin? With an obvious top-hat obsession?"

"The Earl has a human form?" the young exorcists asked perplexed, before considering the matter some more "Oh, well I guess that makes sense. He probably only dresses up like a clown to make it easier for people to fall for his evil ways. Quite the nefarious plan, really."

"So you really think his Clown-form is charming?" the Noah repeated simply, not really caring that he had just given away one of his clan's better kept secrets.

"Of course. It's a clown. It's supposed to be charming."

"So you really think his Clown-form is _charming_?" the Portuguese tried again.

"You already asked that" Allen replied somewhat annoyed "What the hell is wrong with you, Tyki?"

"With me? I'm perfectly fine, thank you. But what the hell is wrong with _you_?"

"Nothing at all. I just really don't get what your problem is."

"My problem is the fact that you don't seem to notice the difference between a charming smile and a psychotic grin the size of Canada. Or even a cemetery and a park for that matter."

"I have no idea what you are talking about" Allen replied dryly.

"Then how about this" the Noah tried to better describe his point "The Earl's looks are about as charming as Kanda Yuu's language on a Monday morning."

"How do even know what Kanda is like on Monday mornings?" Allen asked slightly baffled.

"That's not the point! The point is that the Earl's looks make children cry and eyes bleed. Mirrors break when he nears them, rivers dry up, flowers wilt and the boogeyman has nightmares of _him._"

"Okay...you realize he is you boss, right?" Allen gave him a slightly concerned look, raised eyebrow and all. "Are you supposed to talk about him like this?"

Tyki didn't even deign this with an answer. Not after hearing how the young exorcists talked about his own teacher. Noticing this, Allen just gave a sight and decided to at least try and defend his point.

"You are exaggerating."

"I'm not."

"Don't be stupid. If he really looked that scary, nobody would be dumb enough to make a deal with him" the boy reasoned.

"That- " Tyki started, but suddenly didn't really know how he had planed to continue the sentence. Because somehow – and Tyki really didn't know how he managed to do that- but somehow the brat had a point there. Why were so many people making a deal with someone like the Earl, who's whole appearance basically screamed 'Weirdo'? Surely, that should clue most people in to the fact, that there was something wrong with the man? Still...there were so many Akumas...

For a second, Tyki found himself reconsidering his opinion of the Earl's looks. Because maybe the boy was right? Maybe the costume really made the Earl look more approachable, and it was just Tyki's personal adversion to Clowns that made the costume so terrifying in his eyes? It _was_ a Clown-suit after all, and most normal people liked clowns. So, maybe, the huge grin, pointy ears...tiny glasses... and voluminous body...

Right. Bad images.

Because try as he might, Tyki could not even picture the Earl without feeling a shudder run down is spine. Whatever the reason for the Earl's many contracts might be, it was most certainly not because of his looks. Not everybody was as screwed up in the head as the boy after all.

'_Still, for now_', he decided, '_for now I'll leave it at that. There is obviously no point in arguing about __this any further__.__'_

Because this ultimately cemented the fact that the young exorcists was suffering from his own little branch of insanity, and if Tyki knew anything about insane people then it was that arguing with them was pointless. And he lived with the other Noahs, so he was more than used to dealing with crackpots.

Still, that didn't mean he was giving up. Because Allen only suffered from some minor perception problems and surely that could be fixed with a bit of help? Actually, Tyki was suddenly sure, that with some time and a little bit of effort, he could make the boy see the error of his ways. After all, as long as Allen wasn't going completely off his rocker (like a certain niece of his) there was still hope.

And who better to guide him back on the part of sanity than Tyki himself?

So, yes, Tyki eventually decided. He would help the boy.

And of course he would do so out of the sheer goodness of his heart. For completely altruistic reasons. And not in the slightest because he was dreading the idea of being the sanest Noah around, or because he was slowly beginning to get creeped out a little.

Nope, Tyki was going to help the boy simply because he was such a good person.

So, in order to properly convey the importance of the decision he had just made, he looked down at the boy with a grave expression on his face. He then put his hands on the other's shoulders in a fashion that was supposed to be reassuring and nodded once he was sure he had the other's full attention.

"I'll help you" he declared in a tone of finality and completely ignoring the fact that the other didn't hear his inner momolouge and therefore had no idea what he was even talking about. "Don't worry, I'll definitely help you and together we'll get through this."

For a few seconds there was an awkward kind of silence between them, in which Allen just stared back with a slightly perturbed expression.

Then, slowly, as not to disturb the other, the boy carefully pulled the Noah's hands from his shoulders and put an equally as reassuring hand on the other's arm instead. When the exorcists noticed that the other still seemed to be waiting for some kind of response to his utterly random statement, he simply smiled and responded with a calm voice.

"Whatever you say, Tyki. Whatever you say."

* * *

Omake:

Later that evening.

The two of them were back in their room and Allen was sitting on the bed, counting his money, while Tyki had rested his head on the windowsill, obviously deep in thought and watching the sun disappear behind the horizon.

"Just out of interest" Tyki dared to ask after a while "What do you think of Road?"

"Road?" Allen asked a little perplexed. "Aside from the fact that she's a Noah you mean?" he scrunched up his nose in concentration "Well, sometimes she goes a little overboard with her games..." he said, remembering the time she had gauged out one of his eyes, "...but all in all she's pretty cute I guess?"

"Ah. Okay" Tyki said simply and continued to gaze into the sunset.

Because, obviously, the boy was beyond help.

Not that either of them wanted to admit that.

* * *

Another chapter done. And yes, I'm shamelessly advocating AllenxRoad.

It's a little less humorous I guess (or maybe that's just me) but it sets the stage a little. So, some hints about our little Earl and his butler. I was considering where to place Tyki and Allen in the Kuroshitsuji plot, but eventually figured that the mere presence of these two should be enough to cause enough problems to get a case of their own.  
And now that Tyki has officially sworn to help Allen, let's see how badly he'll mess up.

But somehow this chapter felt so random.  
Cheery-O


End file.
